I am Trent Lobb, your congressional representative, chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, and patriot. This past year was full of challenge and triumph, as I helped to guide several major pieces of legislation that benefited all our people, and kept our country strong. Let me list just a few of my achievements.
Lobster fishermen in Maine have been faced with a baffling 50% decline in their lobster harvest after a 50% increase in the number of lobster traps laid offshore.
I felt their pain.
Thus, I helped to secure a $50 million appropriation for the Trent Lobb Lobster Research Center, to be opened this fall in my home town of Pascagoulpa, Mississippi.
For the fourth consecutive time, the International Olympic Committee passed by the United States as the local venue for the winter games.
I saw a need.
Thus, I successfully spearheaded a bill to build the $500 million Trent Lobb Olympic facility to lure the 2005 games to our fable shores. The ice rink, grand slalom, and Olympic stadium should be completed in Pacagoulpa just in time for the games.
The United States will in the future be endangered by nuclear missiles fired by deranged dictators from sub-Saharan Africa or Switzerland.
I will defend my country!
Thus, I have included $500 billion in my omnibus defense spending bill provisions for the construction of the Trent Lobb orbiting space station/deathstar/anti-missile defense system. This state of the art facility will be built and launched from the Cape Lobb command center in Pascagoulpa, Mississippi, and will provide an effective missle defense for the USA, and also present a defense against killer asteroids and alien lizard men from the planet Mongo.
Just thought you'd like to know how I have been selflessly served my country. For I am Trent Lobb, a loyal American, and just a home town guy from Pascagoulpa, Mississippi.
