He was found all alone, unattended for a minute or so in the Jungle Adventure cruise at Disneyworld. A thoughtful worker plucked him from the jungle boat just as he approached the scary robotic hippos. He was ok, but his parents were lost at the concession stand.
Swiftly, little Ely was put in the care of his loving fourth cousin who lived in Yahoo City, Mississippi. He was introduced to cable TV, Pokemon toys, and supersized fast food, and he squealed with delight as he channel surfed to his heart's contnt. Ely soon settled down to a fun and fulfilling life of inert activity.
During all this, his relatives protested, to no avail. After all, they were from France
So little Ely grew up American, and began to appreciate the subtle pleasures of driving sport utility vehicles, attending tractor pulls and wrestling matches, and having intimate e-mail conversations with his friends about sports and the weather. he learned that there was no better country than the USA, and that no other countries even existed.
The French government protested, and orchestrated massive protests. But our government stood firm. Besides, they were French.
Finally, after a speedy twenty year appeals process, the courts said he had to go back to France. In a daring daylight raid, crack commandos whisked him from his sofa, with the remote control still in his hand. The American people were saddened and aggrieved at this great injustice, and amazed at the sheer stupidity and ignorance of their government. And then in their wisdom they asked, what and where is France?
