Mezmer's Logical Defect Checklist |
1. Completely Ridiculous Analogy Example: Man evolved from apes. Therefore, I am justified in eating more bananas. 2. Bizarre Cause and Effect Example: Taking a nap after drinking two liters of vodka will result in a hangover. Therefore, one should not nap. 3. I'll be the judge of that! Example: I don't like neuro-psychology, therefore neuro-psychology is not important in psychology. 4.Ignoring how the brain works. Example: People choose to go to rock concerts, eat Brussel sprouts, and give to the United Way because of instinct. 5. Equating popular opinion with reasoned opinion. Example: If 500 million of our faith believe that women should run around on unicycles wearing gunny sacks and with flowerpots for hats, how can all those people be wrong? |
Read a newspaper op-ed column, or listen to a politician or self-help guru on any TV talk show, and if you possess even an ounce of gray matter, you will immediately know that in some small way, you are being conned. The con is almost always in when someone is trying to sell something to you, like life insurance, autos, or their well-considered opinion. Thus, when money's involved, particularly since it's coming from you as a paying consumer of such things like an education, utensils, investment, or self-help advice, you' ve got to be aware of the subtle traps of logic that can soon depart you from your well earned cash. The following list of logical defects should be used as a checklist to guard agains the simple logical tricks that can turn sound minds into Taliban militia trainees, or worse, Arthur Anderson consultants. Just refer to them next time you listen to a guest on Larry King, Oprah, or other talk shows, and you'll be amazed at all the leaps of logic and good sense that abound in the 'experts' of our day. |
Fashion Statements: A half a billion satisfied customers can't be wrong! |
6. Silly syllogism Example: Some behaviorists study animals. Some behaviorists study brains. Therefore, behaviorists are Godless republicans. 7. Phenom-illogic Example: I know how headaches feel, therefore I completely understand headaches. 8. Level Confusion Example: Water is two parts wetness, one part oxygen, and two parts hydrogen; or an emotion is one part feeling, three parts adrenaline, and one part the 'climax' of the movie 'Debbie does Dallas'. 9. Generalizations from one's own behavior. Example: I'm not a clear thinker. Therefore, whatever you say will be confusing. 10. Argument by bizarre definition. Example: He's not mentally ill. He just does things that are completely crazy. 11. Complete illogic. Example: I enjoy meditating because I love baking pies. 12. Judging things without looking at options. Example: Consciousness is due to life forces, and that's all I need to know. 13. Substituting famous quotes for common sense. Example: Remember, If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. So you should happily muddle through life even if the only job you can find is at a local soda fountain, making lemonade. |
Career options for the 21st Century |
14. Anything you don't understand you can do easily. Example: I don't have a high school degree, so how difficult could it be to be a psychologist and to influence millions? (authors note: actually, not that hard!) 15. Ignoring the downside risk. Example: I know that climbing Mount Everest will ruin me financially and probably kill me, but its peak is worth the peak experience. 16. Irrelevant Comparisons. Example: Psychotherapy for $500 an hour is a good price, compared to the price of brain surgery. 17. Circular Reasoning. Example: He behaves because he is intrinsically motivated, therefore he is intrinsically motivated because he behaves. 18. Incompleteness as logical refutation. Example: Your theory of emotion does not address the question as to why dinosaurs went extinct, so it has to be wrong. 19. Senselessly ignoring the advice of experts. Example: The experts say that you shouldn't eat twelve bags of potato chips a day and drink five six packs of beer, but I have my own theory. 20. Following the advice of known charlatans. Example: That psychotherapist on the TV talk show said that happiness is just a matter of thinking happy thoughts! That must be right! |
Would you buy a used car from this man? |
21. Reaching weird conclusions without any facts. Example: Little Johnny is acting up. I am sure that is because space aliens have inserted a probe into his brain. 22. Misreading the lessons of history. Example: He was convicted for bilking the public by advertising a phony water dunking psycho-therapy technique. I hope to be next in line to try it. 23. Failure to see the forest for the trees. Example: The dog ravenously ate the pork chop, and the mutt in plain English even asked for more, therefore it is important that we further investigate the salivary response in dogs. 24. Overuse of parsimony (i.e. simple explanation). Example: The simplest explanation for schizophrenia is demonic possession. 25. Ignoring all subjective evidence. Example: I get a feel good experience while riding on a roller coaster, but since no scientific experiment has been performed on people riding roller coasters, we will never know if roller coaster riding is fun. |
Is this fun? We may never know. |
26. Judging the whole by one of its parts. Example: Poverty causes depression. Thereofre, we will all be happy if we were middle class, and in perpetual ecstasy if we were rich. 27. Smitten by the obvious. Example: Healthy people live longer. 28. Relying on only one scientific method. Example: One group of 1,000 people say they are happier watching Barney the talking Dinosaur than an equal number who had to watch George Bush speeches, therefore Barney would make a better president! |
Our next president? |
29. Daydreams Example: I get the best advice from the newspaper astrological column. 30. Taking thing to their absurd conclusion. Example: If you let them pull the plug on comatose and brain dead Uncle Remus, then the next thing you'll know they'll be processing you and me for the Soylent Green brand of people nuggets. |
It's PEOPLE!!....... |
31. Inability to understand multiple causes. Example: The Behaviorist movement was useful for one reason only: It really understood how dogs salivate and how mice can learn to press bars for M&M's. 32. Failure to understand why honesty is the best policy. Example: It should be ok to claim that hypnosis can make you levitate, just so long as folks don't attempt to do it after jumping out of skyscraper windows. 33. Proof by absence of facts. Example: I've never seen you with a girl, so you must be gay. |
Return to even more illogic! |
due apologies in order for Dilbertian inspiration! |
