Voyage 27

"As yooooo can seeeee" crooned the voice. "We have the most purrrfect society." He sipped some tea. "AHH!" he said, smacking his lips. " It is most dee-lightful to finally meet you brave explorers from Transor! "We have done quite well since our expedition left long, long ago! We have become a simply mavvvv-elous society." Tea cup in hand, he turned to his colleague sitting adjacent in a large rocking chair. "Yes, indeedee!" said the man. "We shall be pleased as punch for you to visit us!! We shall all have some tea and have some jolly fun!!"

Belden turned his head to hide his laughter. They were both wearing top hats and 19^th century suits with lavender bow ties the size of a shoe, and from their long mustaches and whiney voices, they looked like villains from an ancient silent movie. For his part, Weller was speechless. The Transor Two expedition was the home world’s own expedition to the outer planets. It was to be a reflection of Transor, it’s beliefs and its technology. And here standing before him were not compatriots in intellect and character, but a veritable pair of buffoons. Their names were Snidely and Dudley. They were the self-described emissaries of Transor Two, the most serious enterprise of the home world, but presented with the face of a clown.

Weller tried to apologize for an awkward demeanor apparently unnoticed by his audience. " I’m sorry to appear a bit startled. But from our scans, we marveled at your world. Your structures, they seem to span your entire world. We haven’t seen that technology even on Transor. I didn’t think though that you would…."

Grinning from ear to ear, the two sang out in unison. "No apology necessary sir! Perhaps we are being a bit too formal. We are a happee, happee society, and are true children of Transor." They looked at each other and smiled like mindless idiots. "Yes indeed" said Snidley. "I am glad that you marvel at our technology, at our wondrous accomplishments. We are pleased as punch with it ourselves. But enough of these long distance greetings. You must puh-lease visit us as soon as possible. We will be waiting for you with a big mug of tea!" The men raised their cups in a toast, and then the screen dimmed.

Weller turned to his science officer. "Jacov, what do you think?"

Moore rolled his eyes. "This place seems to be a rousing success. Certainly it matches their enthusiasm, no matter how eccentric it may seem. The whole place is built up. It’s almost a mirror image of Transor, except their cities are multiplied across the world. I wouldn’t otherwise think this would be possible for Transor, let alone a single expedition. But why would such achievement drive them nuts? There’s something afoot here. I would be wary about visiting them until we know more."

"But what more do we know?"

Moore sighed with frustration. "That’s the rub. All I can get are visuals on their planet. There’s nothing remarkable there. They have cities and suburbs, traffic and swimming pools. The place is unremarkable, except that their places are everywhere. How is it possible that a few thousand colonists can populate an entire world?"

Weller looked pensively at the planet. "Hmm. Is there anything else you can glean from them, their history, the sociology of this place?"

"No. They have a world net that circles their planet with about twenty seven hundred satellites. It’s a bit unusual even for a civilization so big. But I can’t tap into their communications. Their code is something I can’t decipher. Besides that, their communications grid is impenetrable by my instruments. It’s a literal fog of static! There is a tremendous amount of radio activity filling all spectra. It’s almost as if they’ve wired up every chair, faucet, and toaster to their world net. I’ve never seen such a technology-immersed society; their communications are as complexly tangled as a ball of twine!

"Or a human mind?" said Belden.

"That indeed would be wonderful!" said Weller with evident sarcasm. "I would fancy that their power grid would carry on a more intelligent conversation than these idiots."

"Then we have to go down and talk with them. I don’t have a clown outfit for the occasion."

"But captain, communications from the surface may not be possible given all this interference. We won’t be able to talk with you once you land."

Weller shrugged his shoulders. "But at least rockets work, and that’s all we really need. He turned to bridge officer. "Jacov and Belden will accompany me to the surface. If we’re not back in a day or otherwise communicate with you, you have our landing coordinates. There should be no problems."

__________

First Bridge Officer Travers Hof sat on the bridge command chair looking at the world below, and brooded. Transor Two reminded him of home and his family. From nineteen hundred kilometers the shimmering planet looked like a mirror image of his home world. For a thousand years, the Transorian navy was tethered to a single solar system, and he was always within a few weeks from home, or a day or so from a video-com message from his wife and children. But now he realized the true face of his calling. He was a reluctant voyager on a ship sailing an endless sea, and even this familiar place was but a foreign island far from home. Only a scholarship to the academy prevented him from joining his father’s landscaping business. At this moment, he would have gladly traded his position for that of a lowly gardener. Now, the memories of his family were slowly fading. He would try to imagine what they would be like in the years of his absence, but that was an idealized picture, baroque and not real. As he tapped his hand idly on the command console, the navigation officer turned to him.

"Sir. Our sensors are detecting an object that is closing on us from low orbit. I’m putting it on screen."

Even from the distance, Hof knew what it was. In its dim outlines, he recognized it a long range Transorian transport vessel. This was evidently the ark that originally brought the expedition to Transor Two. As it came into clearer view, the fate of the ship became apparent. The ship was a derelict. Over ten times the size of the Nole, the mushroom shaped vessel slowly spun like a top. It was maintaining a bit of gravity, but apparently nothing else. The ship was dark and silent, and likely empty.

Hof turned to the communications officer. "Can we hale anyone aboard that ship?"

"No. I'm receiving no signals, and no power signatures either. It’s strange, expedition ships generally maintain orbit for space dock, maintenance, escape even. But this one’s apparently abandoned, a dead ship. It doesn’t make sense."

"Then we’ll have to find out, won’t we? Can we hale the captain?"

"No, he passed into their atmosphere a while ago. We won’t talk to him until he emerges again."

"Hmm. And so we have this, a web of static, a society of buffoons, and a dead ship. I can’t figure it, but the answer must be in that spinning hulk. Get me a shuttle and a probe crew. Also, they'll have side arms, and I want a marine contingent on the ready." He turned to the communications officer. "Continue to hale the captain, and damn the static!"

"But the two emissaries from the planet, would you like to …"

"No. They're either too stupid to know something or too devious to tell us anything. They can wait for now. I just want to find out what's on that ship!"

_________________________

Jan Weller looked down a busy street full of cars. "So this is Transor Two! Frankly the place looks the same as its namesake. The shuttle cars, the buildings, the trees and shade, it's all full of bustle and noise. But there's one thing missing."

Jacov nodded. "A welcoming party. It's to their interest, and our due. We did come a long way!"

Weller smiled. "I'm more cynical than that. No. Hail that taxi. We'll see."

Jacov raised his arm, and a shuttle car stopped at the curb. They stepped inside the shuttle, and its doors silently closed. Weller pressed the intercom. "Once around the block, and stop if you can at a grocery store."

The car began to whir, and after a few minutes stopped in front of a grocery storefront. The party left the shuttle, and its door closed rapidly, and soon merged into to the current of traffic. The shop was tidy, full of goods, and spotlessly clean, and in the background soft music could be heard. It was also absolutely empty of any living thing. Weller looked about as if he were inspecting the walls of a cage.

"Its what I feared. There's nobody here. Besides that, there is something not right with this place, it’s too similar to a Transorian convenience store. That just can’t be, not here.’

"Well I don’t know about that." Belden smiled as he leaned against a soft drink machine. "I think it’s pretty comforting to know that these people are average sorts with average conveniences."

Weller winced and shook his head. "Yes, its average enough, but for the wrong planet. These are goods from Transor, how could they make them here? Belden reached into the dairy case and grasped a block of cheese. He threw it to the floor, where it proceeded to bounce a meter into the air. He then grabbed a few cereal boxes from the shelf, and ripped them open. He looked at Belden in stony silence as he poured their contents on the floor."

"I can tell you why. Because this is not cheese. Its plastic, and your cereal is….."

Belden was startled. "Its sand!"

"There’s your answer, this stuff’s not real. These are all props. There’s nothing authentic here accept the packaging."

"And there’s nothing ‘real’ about this city either!" said Moore. I just completed my scan. There’s no evidence of life with a square kilometer of this place. The only thing that has any ‘life’ are these bots. This whole place, the traffic, the buildings, even this cheese, they're all props."

"But they greeted us in person, and invited us here, to this very place."

"Yes." Said Weller. "Somebody or something greeted us. But what's their purpose here? We didn't send expeditions to construct model villages and train sets on moons."

"Unless this place is set up like a model train set. It's obvious I think that we have landed in the middle of a very large toy."

"But what of those characters who greeted us?"

"Perhaps they're observing us, or perhaps we landed in the wrong place. This is a very large society after all."

Jacov pointed to his quadcorder. "But they gave us these coordinates."

Weller sighed. "I know. But there's little we can do. We can't contact our ship, we don't know where they are, so we have to leave it the people who run this place. We'll have an answer to all this. They should find our signal marker, it's their move now. We simply have to stand about and wait!"

"Ah, look, here comes something!"

___________________________

The Nole was lit brightly by the sun as the shuttle passed under the planet's shadow. The expedition ship was ahead, black and featureless. From his command console, Hof could hear the shuttle commander repeatedly hail the expedition ship. The ship was silent, lifeless. It seemed intact, but there was no visible sign of any outside damage. But something had failed, either people or machines, perhaps both. Whether useless or defective, the ship was abandoned. But if there were any records aboard of what had happened, they wouldn't be sure until the party boarded it.

The shuttle grappled on to the side of the ship, and soon maneuvered astride an airlock. The electronic lock failed, but a manual crank was available, and after much difficulty the door was opened. The party entered slowly, one by one. It was an empty corridor, pitch black, and was illuminated intermittently by the darting beacons carried by each crewman. Then, as their lights spread about in an arc, they came to a room, or what was a room. It was a scene that could scarcely imagine.

Looking silently at the orbiting shadow, Hof listened intently to the progress of the boarding party. "Command ship, this is Lieutenant Bendrick. We’ve passed the access tube into the main shuttle docking area. Commander Hof, the transport shuttles, they’re all here. Two escape pods seem to have been jettisoned, but the rest are here. But this place, I don’t know what to say…."

"What is it?" Hof said impatiently.

"This place is a wreck, the walls have been ripped to pieces. This place would collapse in regular gravity. But why would they gut the ship? And why didn’t they use the shuttles? I don’t understand."

Hof turned to the navigation office. "Put a schematic of that transport on screen, and show me where our people are."

In a second an overlay of the ship appeared on the screen, with a small pulsating light to mark the probe team. "Good! Now show me the hibernation berth." A small square illuminated, by his reckoning about five hundred meters or so from his team.

"Lieutenant!" said Hof. "Forget the ship inspection, can you get to the passenger compartment?"

"I see no problem, came the response. Whatever was here before has blasted a straight path before us. It’s like wandering through the skeleton of a house."

Oh, God!, Hof suddenly thought, as bad science fiction scenarios raced in his head. "I hope they don’t find lizard creatures or something", he whispered to himself. He shouted to his communications port. "Keep your weapons to the ready!"

Hof nervously tapped his command console, and after it seemed an ageless time, he heard a shout. The voice was hysterical "Lieutenant Hof! You’ve got to contact the captain. You have to make him turn back!!"

"Why? What have you found?"

"The crew, its passengers! Lieutenant, they never made it to the planet’s surface. They’re here on this ship. All of them, all of them are dead!"

"What??"

"They never left their pods, they are all in stasis, mummified. Something shut down their stasis chamber. Whether accident or intent, I don't know."

"Can you get any read out, can you get to a communications port to access the ship computer?"

"Without power. That will take several days. With all this damage, we can't even use our battery packs to activate their subsystems."

"Damn, we can't wait that long!" Hof turned to the communications officer. "Where’s the captain?" he said nervously. "Can you get a signal?"

"No. As we expected, there’s no way to shoot a signal through all that static."

"How long have they been down there?"

"At least six hours on the surface. We still have some time."

Suddenly, the communications officer turned to him. "Lieutenant Hof, we have an incoming transmission from the planet."

The screen brightened, and Snidely and Dudly were standing in their parlor, tea cups in hand and with their ever present smiles.

"Howdy doody!" sang Snidely. "It’s good to see you all again!

Hof looked at him with anger. "Where are our people? We need to speak to them now if you don’t mind!"

"No need to be concerned." He said matter of factly. "They are right here, and are having a dandee time!"

Three familiar figures strode into the screen, all grinning like circus clowns."

Hof was horrified. "Captain Weller?"

He looked like a marionette, with red rouge on his checks, a yellow plastic wig, and that infernal smile. He uniform was replaced with a blowsy jump suit with red and white stripes, and around his neck was a loose fitting blue tie festooned with yellow polka dots. Jacov and Belden were dressed no less outrageously, and seemed equally bemused.

Weller laughed and waved. "Ho! Ho! Ho! How are you fellows!! This is a prettee, prettee place. Indeedee, I think I’m going to enjoy spending a lot of time here!!"

"Captain. Are you all right? You know it's bit close to the time when you should return."

"Well, old fellow!" chimed the Captain. "I don't think I'll be coming back. This is a really swell place! You really should come down, and bring the crew! A happee time will be had by all!"

"Captain. You must return immediately. We have an emergency here!"

Weller was nonplused, and smiled even more broadly than before. "Then come down here. We have no emergencies, just happeenesssss! We are looking forward to seeing you down here. We'll have some tea waiting for you!! Hee! Hee! Hee!"

And with his shrill laughter ringing in Hof's ears, the screen faded to darkness.

The communications officer turned to Hof. "Is there anything we can do? A second shuttle, perhaps our Marine contingent?"

Hof sat back in his chair and blankly stared at the planet. "But to where? We can send down an entire army corps and still not find them, and then what if we did? Heaven knows what they did to them. No, we have to understand what we’re dealing with. And if we can’t start on the inside, then we can begin with the outside." He tapped his forehead pensively. "Yes, perhaps the outside is the key."

He turned to the communications officer. "These people are simpletons, yet their society is infinitely more wired than Transor ever was, and they have far more communications capacity than what they need or could possibly use. No, there's another explanation, and we have to take a look at one of those satellites before we can have our answer. Send out a shuttle and grab one of them. Let's see if we can find out what it really does."

Hof was waiting in engineering as the satellite was brought into the service bay. It was about a meter in diameter, and looked like a dance hall mirror ball. Rills the chief engineer stood above it and shook his head. "I know what this is. Simple optical sensors, that's all. But they weren't made on that planet; they were scavenged from the mother ship and affixed to this satellite. Its obvious really, these things were made to give sight to toasters, not orbiting spacecraft. Other than that it looks like a standard issue world net satellite. But look, its curious, these receptors extend outwards into space, and they are not just for radio transmission. Commander Hof, this is not just a relay node, this is an eye."

"An eye?"

"In a matter of speaking. But it's more. It's an entire sensor array. They’re not only looking at us, but listening too. Obviously, someone or something scavenged the ship to make this thing, and presumably the thousands of others that orbit this world."

Hof turned to Bendrick. "You told me that you could account for all shuttles, and all escape pods but two."

"Yes, no more than two."

"But that would give at most six people a chance to escape. No, that couldn't have happened, impossible for their descendents to account for this. But not for…" Hof looked down at the planet's surface, and then in a barely audible whisper. "Bots!"

"Bendrick, did you account for all the repair bots?"

"Hard to say given the condition of the ship, but if they did survive…"

"They could build!" Hof interjected. "Look, we've had advanced AI for hundreds of years. We had it when they built this ship, we built it into the bots. The bot's were there for advanced engineering, they had the plans programmed in. But they couldn't kill, something else did. A malfunction, a meteor, something destroyed life support in the mother ship. But it couldn't kill the bots, they have their own power source. But is a bot without a master, what does a machine do with merely a master plan and an urge to serve."

Rills smiled. "Create the master's image?"

"Yes. Of course, but obviously not with perfection. All that static down there, those cities below. It's an empty box surrounded by a net of electrons, a neural net.'

"You mean that the planet's thinking?"

"In a fashion, yes. But it can't think perfectly, its compromised by the fact that it can recreate what it sees in this electrical soup. It didn't see us, it emulated the signals that impressed themselves on its web. What we were looking at was not our reality, but a copy, the best one and most realistic one it could make."

"And the captain?" asked Bendrick.

"Those people weren't our captain and landing party. They weren't even real, but a reality made in its own mind's eye. It built this world from blueprints a thousand years old, but it was above mere brick and plaster, yet not above a simple and caring imagination."

Bendrick nodded. "And so it made the best Transor it could, but if it could create people, it could imagine them. But we still don't know if your conjecture is true."

Hof turned to him and bit his lip. "We'll know in an hour or two, when the Captain is scheduled to return.

__________________________

The shuttle rose above the horizon, and was tracked the Nole's radar before its radio transmissions could be clearly heard. Hof heard the staccato rhythms of a human voice, and smiled.

As Weller and the party left the shuttle, Hof was there to greet them.

"Well? You all look a bit surprised. Believe me this was not an adventure. Waiting for a bus is as entertaining. This trip was a waste, and as you may have gathered, morons rule this planet. We spent an entire day in their fake city, waiting. And do you know what finally greet us. A robot vendor of plastic hot dogs!! That’s the reception we got!

__________________________

Travers Hof sat is cabin, and composed a letter to his family that would perhaps never be delivered. He looked at a photo of his son, and imagined him two years hence, tall with a bright smile and a blue bow tie, and he smiled.