Dr. Mezmer's DSM IV (Dimwitted Syndrome Manual)

Dr. Mezmer's

DSM IV

(Dimwitted Syndrome Manual)

In times past, our problems were much simpler than today. That's because then we had only a few basic emotions like fear, love, and hunger to worry about. But although our emotions haven't changed, our delusions certainly have, and we need more imaginary mental problems than ever before to satisfy our hypchondriacal urge to have the trendiest illness. So bring in the metaphors!! As our dynamic American culture has increased our productivity in this century by leaps and bounds, American psychology has been equally as productive in coining new mental diseases. Nonetheless, in this supercharged global village, American needs to keep up its lead in meaningless soporific verbiage that can be used to create more and more efficient alibis.

Thus, as a public service, I have created Dr. Mezmer's Dimwitted Syndrome Manual, Version 4, or DSM IV. (Even though I never wrote the first three, it sounds more impressive). Since I am sure the reader would rather have needles stuck in his eyes than read my 450 page original, I have handily reduced the manual to a simple tabular form that contains the pemutations of every mental disease, past and future, that you can possibly contract or be deluded into believing you have.

The benefits of such a useful tool should be immediately obvious. Instead of saying little Johnny is a naughty boy for staying up too late, why not say that Johnny has a raging limbic dysfunction that is symptomatic of an underlying explosive catatonic hysteria? Impressive sounding, not? The DSM IV table should be used whenever you need an excuse for your own stuipidity that you need to shift to some hidden defect, disease agent, or evil spirit. I would heartily recommend that you use the DSM IV table when you are late for work, forget your anniversary, or when you are a defendant in court.

Severity Type Disease

Myopic Limbic Syndrome

Raging Codependent Disorder

Regressive Anxiety Disease

Intrinsic Neural Personality

Hyperactive Depressive Dysfunction

Immersive Involutional Reaction

Passive Catatonic Neurosis

Global Obsessive Complex

Polarized Conversion Hysteria

Explosive Extemporaneous Psychosis

...back to even more idiocy from Dr. Mezmer



				Dr. Mezmer's

DSM IV (Dimwitted Syndrome Manual)

	In times past, our problems were much simpler than today. That's because then we had only a few basic emotions like fear, love, and hunger to worry about. But although our emotions haven't changed, our delusions certainly have, and we need more imaginary mental problems than ever before to satisfy our hypchondriacal urge to have the trendiest illness. So bring in the metaphors!! As our dynamic American culture has increased our productivity in this century by leaps and bounds, American psychology has been equally as productive in coining new mental diseases. Nonetheless, in this supercharged global village, American needs to keep up its lead in meaningless soporific verbiage that can be used to create more and more efficient alibis. Thus, as a public service, I have created Dr. Mezmer's Dimwitted Syndrome Manual, Version 4, or DSM IV. (Even though I never wrote the first three, it sounds more impressive). Since I am sure the reader would rather have needles stuck in his eyes than read my 450 page original, I have handily reduced the manual to a simple tabular form that contains the pemutations of every mental disease, past and future, that you can possibly contract or be deluded into believing you have. The benefits of such a useful tool should be immediately obvious. Instead of saying little Johnny is a naughty boy for staying up too late, why not say that Johnny has a raging limbic dysfunction that is symptomatic of an underlying explosive catatonic hysteria? Impressive sounding, not? The DSM IV table should be used whenever you need an excuse for your own stuipidity that you need to shift to some hidden defect, disease agent, or evil spirit. I would heartily recommend that you use the DSM IV table when you are late for work, forget your anniversary, or when you are a defendant in court.

		Severity Type Disease Myopic Limbic Syndrome Raging Codependent Disorder Regressive Anxiety Disease Intrinsic Neural Personality Hyperactive Depressive Dysfunction Immersive Involutional Reaction Passive Catatonic Neurosis Global Obsessive Complex Polarized Conversion Hysteria Explosive Extemporaneous Psychosis



			...back to even more idiocy from Dr. Mezmer